If you’ve wondered why you can’t lose those extra pounds, change the work you hate, move on from a relationship that doesn’t work, or make that final adjustment, the real issue isn’t just about willpower.
Why Old Patterns Creep Back
Over the years I have watched the progress of thousands of people battle with everything from weightloss to motivation to change their career path and life journey. I’ve seen people lose huge amounts of weight through diet programmes to re-gain it, and people make life moves to find old patterns repeating themselves. Why?
How Emotional Change Affects Everything from Motivation to Weightloss
When we make massive adjustments in our lives or become successful at something we’ve worked for, it involves not only physical changes but emotional change. Take weightloss for instance, changing how to see yourself will also affect your loved ones. Will they ultimately be supportive? Does keeping the fat make them feel safe? Does their self-esteem dictate that your weightloss equals you leaving them? You’ll often find when you hit a point of success and can see enormous changes, loved ones will start encouraging you to eat again, drink again, lie around on the sofa again, smoke again – “You’ve done so much a rest can’t hurt.” Old habits start to creep back in.
Has Your Fear Crept Up On You?
People assume it must be a lack of willpower that halts their progress or their desire to change something isn’t strong enough. The fact is, in many instances neither is true. Strip it back to the bare bones and you’ll find the real reason changes don’t stick is a fear of losing people.
Ultimately most people don’t like change. They may say they crave change, but when it comes to it, what is familiar even though it’s uncomfortable is the safest option they will opt for. Think about how you handle change by what you regularly eat. When you go out to a restaurant do you always try something new or go for the tried and tested despite your initial intentions?
Nine times out of ten you’ll go for what you know. This is what happens to people in everyday life, despite their better judgement they fall back into what is known to them. That includes other people and their habits.
How to Overcome Your Fear of Losing People
I have given this method to many people who have gone onto make lasting successful weightloss changes, career adjustments, happiness, self-esteem improvements and relationship transformations. It’s very simple but incredibly transformative.
- Think about what it is you want to change. An example would be weightloss
- Think about the result you want to achieve. The happiness it brings you
- Now think about the people in your life this change directly effects
- Bring them into your mind and see or sense their face, their response
- Let yourself go into it enough to feel the ‘down feeling’ in the pit of your stomach
- Now let yourself lose them, grieve the loss if you need to. Let yourself experience the emotion and rejection
- In your mind forgive the person’s actions and let them go. Release them rather than adjust to be acceptable to them. Release them though with kindness, not rejection yourself
You’re now in the position to make the changes you want to. Why? You’ve now gone through the sense of loss you were expecting, you’ve gone through the worst possible scenario. You can make those changes, clear your blocks, adjust your weight. You’re not going to lose people. You’ve already psychologically gone through and survived the loss. All you need to do now is take action.